my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think your dad took our porno
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
