Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize