u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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