who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
