Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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