then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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