She is in my trunk
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
