now i know why i became what i already was.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
