Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sponge bath it is.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
