We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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