the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
