i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
