So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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