i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
