My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
