We named our party play list daddy issues
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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