no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
