sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
