but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
