oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
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There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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