watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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