When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
