dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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