that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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