i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here