My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
