I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.