dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS