I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.