You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
