i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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