you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
