Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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