You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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