FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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