His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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