Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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