Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
