I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
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I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
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Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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