Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
