And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
