i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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