rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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