Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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