It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he puts the penis in happiness.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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