I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
