Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So many bounce houses so little time
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
