We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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