New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
