Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
