So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
