Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
