We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
