he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
