I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
