What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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