The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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