so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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