I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
