So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
