I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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