ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
