is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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