Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
