You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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