9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
