I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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