rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
