I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
