Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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