i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
